Te Matare Ramirez, Buenos Aires, Argentina - September 2006

Te Matare Ramirez bills itself as an erotic “Restaurant Afrodiasico”, and it is just that. The restaurant is very dark and candlelit, and decorated in antique bordello red, with murals of nude men and women in sexual positions on the ceiling and erotic art on the walls (all for sale). Soft, sexy music played throughout much of the evening, only stopping when a couple performed a somewhat sexually explicit (yet humorous) skit. Even for a non-Spanish speaker like myself, the gist of the storyline was fairly easy to interpret. There was no nudity (although the female was fairly scantily clad, but wore no less than a swimsuit would reveal), however I would not recommend this restaurant to anyone who was not at least fairly open-minded and comfortable with sexual situations and innuendo.

The saltshaker on the table was in the shape of a spermatozoa…and these were available for purchase, as well (what a nifty souvenir some of our pals shall receive ;) ). The erotica spills over onto the menu. The appetizers we shared were “Sculptured In Moans and Sweat” (tender lobster legs wrapped in slices of crispy smoked bacon, lying on soft potato and leek cream with crispy potato threads) and “I Burned My Tongue With the Desire To Lick You (Asian chicken wing lollipops marinated in Tandouri sauce and wrapped in Orly dough, served with magrebi couscous and syrupy reduction). My husband’s entree was “Childlike And Of Insolent Loquaciousness, She Emanated The Scent Of Her Secret Juices” (Virginal and aromatic little veal loin scallops in perverse goulash sauce, wrapped in a bamboo leaf and served with creamy spaetzle sprinkled with black sesame seeds), and I had “Your Body Opens Like A Star While I Drink Your Sky” (natural mini cannelloni au gratin made with spinach dough, stuffed with ricotta cheese, pine mushrooms and nuts, in asparagus cream with petit warm salad of broad beans and mushrooms lightly browned in olive oil). For dessert, we shared “Lovers That Share One Another”, a thick chocolate fondue with seasonal fruits, brownies, coconut brittle and fig and date truffles for dipping. We had a bottle of Argentinean sparkling wine, as well as a bottle of chardonnay and one of the reds (we’re big wine drinkers, but we didn’t manage to finish it ALL). The meal was romantic, the food sublime, and even with all of the wine we spent a grand total of around $125 US before tip. The exchange rate is truly criminal. I definitely recommend this restaurant for a one-of-a-kind dining experience.

Pretty sexy ambience!

Check out the little sperm-shaped salt shaker...we bought several to bring home for our friends!

Yes, our server is beautiful, dear...but you're leaving with the one you came with.  :p

http://www.tematareramirez.com/