O'Maddy's, Gulfport, FL

I'm going to cut right to chase with this post. There were three positive things about the lunch I shared with my galpal Aries Wench today...those were the view, the wine and company. The food was an absolute abomination from start to finish.

Let's begin on a positive note with the lovely bay view from the patio dining area...just so I don't feel totally "Debbie Downerish".

We started with an appetizer of Buffalo Shrimp with "Medium" sauce, which were large and and nicely breaded but so heavily laden with a thick, extremely spicy and overpowering (are you sure this isn't "Hot") uber-salty sauce that we could barely get them down.

Since it was the first day of fall, I was motivated by the sight of "Two Alarm Chili" on the daily specials menu...undeterred by the fact that temps are still in the 90s in Tampa Bay. This was the second worst chili I've ever tasted in my life (first prize goes to Tallgary's in Asheville, NC). White beans, tasteless broth, some undefinable stringy beef-like meat pieces, undercooked tomatoes and the subtle aftertaste of scorched pot combined to make this a truly gag-worthy concoction (and I do hate to be this harsh, but it was what it was).

I figured there was no way to go wrong with the Lobster BLT (sans the T because I'm not a raw tomato kinda gurl)...but I was sadly mistaken. I'm not sure how one can screw up a lobster roll, but what was presented on this bun (although plentiful) was watery and grossly off-tasting in its "not-so-fresh" fishiness and weird consistency. The onion rings I ordered on the side were greasy and served cold with a thin, uninspiring horseradish dipping sauce. Everything was highly unappetizing (and, trust me, I'm being kind).

Aries Wench didn't fare much better with her Blackened Salmon Salad. She requested romaine instead of the spinach that the salad is usually comprised of, but spinach showed up anyway. Our helpful server was quick to remedy the sitch, but I'm not sure the salad was greatly improved by the lettuce swap. It was a fairly boring rendition to begin with...adorned with little more than cucumber slices, a few sun-dried tomatoes, a scant sprinkling of gorgonzola crumbles and a super-stingy drizzle of some sort of balsamic vinaigrette. The salmon tasted fresh and was properly cooked, but was overpowered by salt. Really...it made me long for both the mediocrity and generosity of a Chili's salad.

We toyed with the idea of ordering a dessert, but decided to cut our losses since we were already batting a thousand. Was there ANYTHING I liked, you ask? Yes...$5.00 glasses of Clos du Bois Chardonnay and yentering it up with a good friend on a Friday afternoon.

Just say "no" to this place unless you have very low expectations or are there for drinks and water views only.

www.omaddys.com